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The Scared and Hurting Child

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I have written about the subject of “anger” in the past. However, I did not discuss my anger. I have written about the topic of “fear” in my past. But, I did not share with anyone about my fears. I have written about the “hurting child” within myself. Nevertheless, I did not reveal the identity of the “hurting child” within me.

So, here it goes…

Why am I “angry” about? Why am I so angry at myself? And, why am I so angry at the world around me?

If I pull off my mask, and if I look in the mirror, what I see is anger towards myself, anger towards my own earthly life & earthly existence, and anger towards the species who I happen to share the same DNA or similar DNA with…

I am what is now considered a “spiritual” person. In my past, I also considered myself a “religious” person.

How could a spiritual person or a religious person, who believes in the possibility of a good world, and who tries the best he or she knows how to create this world around himself or around herself in my everyday existence, be such an angry person?

I believe in a Creator or in a Creative Principle within life, within the Universe itself, and believe in a creative power within myself.

Then, why am I angry? The more I try to exercise my “faith” the angrier I seem to get…

I have looked at the Creator of the Universe as a Being or as a Higher Power that is outside of myself, an external “God,” plainly speaking.

But, I was wrong…

This Creative Power or Creative Force in my life is actually and in reality, serving the purpose as a mirror to myself.

What does this mirror reveal to me? It always reveal to me and points out to me the beauty and majesty, and even the “magic” within nature and within the Created World.

So, why should this be so unsettling or so disturbing to me?

“What is disturbing” to me occurs when I look in the mirror and when I look at nature and see how disconnected I am from nature, as well as how disconnected I am from “myself.”

This “disturbing” or distorted image that I see in the mirror makes me afraid. It also makes me scared. It also elicits feelings of hopelessness within me.

What am I scared of? Why am I hurting inside so much?

I am afraid I will never feel connected to nature. And, I am scared that I will never become that version of myself that is “true” or “real.”

I hurt inside, longing for this lost child, longing for this little boy who simply wanted to be seen, wanted to be heard, and who wanted to be hugged.

I think there is a part in all of us that feels unseen and unheard, feels never acknowledged, and who never feels celebrated or never feels lifted up.

Why do we feel invisible? Why do we feel unseen? Why are we afraid that “everyone else in the world is out to use us, hurt us, get us, and take advantage of us?”

Is this the “truth,” that every other human being on the planet and every fellow member of the human species is out to “get us,” “genocide” our existence, or render us as “invisible.”

I think not…

So, then, how do we break this cycle that drives us down the road to anger? How do we decelerate and finally put the brakes on the hurting and scared part of ourselves?

How do we “heal” this wounded self? How do we pick up the “wounded child” who feels knocked down and dragged out every day in our homes, in our offices and workplaces, and even in our own families. This wounded child is particularly vulnerable online in the cyber world of social media.

All of us, including myself, must learn to resist the temptation to attack and blame others for how we feel.

And, all of us also need to learn to resist the temptation to psychologically harm and emotionally attack ourselves.

This is true for me. It also may be true for you…

Can we really learn to forgive others that have hurt us, who have harmed us, who have made us feel invisible, or who have made us feel “less than?”

An even more poignant question would be, “can we or will we ever find the power and the love within ourselves to forgive the reality and the fact that we have fallen short of our own expectations towards our own selves?”

The latter question, is, in my book, the larger one looming on the horizon for me, as well.

Jesus says or writes, “I am the Way, the Truth, and the Life.” And that “no one comes to the Father except through me.”

Is this an appeal to religious or spiritual exclusivity? Or, was this, instead, a harbinger of who we are actually meant to be and who we are supposed to be as a human person?

I do not believe Jeshua, the rabbi and teacher from Galilee, was trying or attempting to create spiritual country clubs back in his day.

The Way… whose way? My own personal way

The Truth… whose truth? My own personal Truth…

The Life… whose life? My own real and true life…

Just some thoughts for today…

“We built that city!”

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How would you design the city of the future?

First of all, I would strive to locate individuals in cities around the globe who have experienced firsthand what “happy & healthy” urban living looks like.

Second, I would collect Best Practices from around the globe of viable, sustainable urban landscapes and settings that demonstrate future longevity and healthy legacy cities.

Finally, I would test these ideas and practices in pilot settings located in existing cities to see what works and what doesn’t work.

Then, I would create a thoughtful and mindful blueprint that is both doable and executable for this new city. Build it with love, creativity, and Rock n’ Roll!

Lions and Tigers and Bears, Oh My!

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The times we are currently living in may feel a bit “surreal” and “weird” to us, not unlike the strange feelings that the fearful Dorothy, the pensive Tin Man, and the frightened Scarecrow felt when they encountered the Cowardly Lion in the Land of Oz. Ironically, The Wizard of Oz movie release date occurred in the year of 1939, the same year that Hitler and Stalin’s forces invaded Poland on that fateful day of September 1, 1939.

If we were to draw allegorical comparisons betwen the movie and real life, the world at the time of the screening of this film was collectively holding its breath, trying to ascertain what living in the shadows of a future under the ever-growing and powerful movement of National Socialism under Adolf Hitler in Germany or one under Stalin’s brand of Marxism-Leninism in the USSR, would look like.

The world was still reeling and recovering from the aftershocks and the aftermath of World War I, a war in which 9 million combatants died, 23 million were wounded, and 8 million civilians died under genocidal and other adverse conditions. In 1918, the worldwide pandemic of “The Spanish Flu” also caused the deaths of more than 50 million worldwide during this insane time epoch. This “Plague” was referred to as “The Purple Death” due to the respiratory failures associated with the virus.

Additionally, just as the world was recalibrating after these global maladies, the economic collapse resulting from the 1929 Stock Market Crash took place, which plunged the world into The Great Depression. The economic recovery from this economic disaster lasted up until America’s foray into World War II in 1941.

In summary, this time period in our history was wrought with both “craziness” and “weirdness,” a period in which historians wrote that the world had gone collectively insane as we plunged ourselves into a form of public and private insanity.

Democracy itself or the democracies of that time period appeared to have no answers to the intractable problems of that day and age. Thus, the world felt it necessary to turn to dictators, authoritarian monsters who promised that they and only they could keep them safe and protect them from the harms and onslaughts of the world’s problems.

In some theological circles outside of mainstream Christianity, there was talk and comparisons of the world wars as being similar or parallel to the three temptations that Jesus experienced in the desert during his forty days of fasting. “All you have to do is bow down to me, submit to me, and allow me to have control over your decision-making, and I will guarantee you a ‘bright future.'”

The greatest trial and temptation for me, in my own life, had always been the temptation for me to abandon my faith, hope, and belief in the goodness of the world, in the meaningfulness of life, and in the strength, love, and kindness of humanity, collectively speaking, as well as “faith” in myself.

During many tumultuous periods of human history, I believe this “temptation” is presented to all of us. Are we afraid? Are we fearful? Do we need a leader who is a Leviathan, a “monster, in order to protect us” from ourselves?

The philosopher, Thomas Hobbes, certainly belived so…

I believe we are living in such a time, faced with these decisions and choices to make in our own lives…

As we make these decisions, please be mindful of The Wizard of Oz story. First, the Scary Lion was a mirage. The lion was fearful and lacked courage. Secondly, there were no monsters that they could not overcome. Even the Flying Monkeys and the Wicked Witch of the West succombed to a mere pail of water. The Lion gained courage. The Tin Man gained a heart. The Scarecrow could have a brain. And, Dorothy could travel home.

What today’s “Christofascism” promises to its adherents is peace, protection, and a safe harbor. However, if we succomb to the whims of a dictator, it will only be a matter of time before we will also be deemed as unfit and unsafe to others in this “pseudo-kingdom.”

What is “missing” for us?

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The word “missing” is derived from the Old English word “missan,” which means “fail to hit,” “miss a mark,” or “to fail in what was aimed at.” Ironically, the Hebrew word for “sin” (חטא) also literally means “missing the mark.” What an “ugly,” “culturally loaded” word “sin” has become!

In order to hit the mark or hit the target, we first need to have a “target.” And then, we have to patiently practice and put in the work required to “hit the target.” We need to understand the nature of the “dart game” that we are involved in or are participating in for the sake of advancing our goals of “hitting the mark.”

The first question worth examining is related to our life and to our existence. Do we love our life? Do we even like our life? Do we like being here? Do we enjoy the act of living? Or, has living been reduced to “surviving?”

Do we like “ourselves?” This is the most potent question of all…

The next question is “do we have a compelling story worth telling, both to ourselves and to others?” If we don’t have a meaningful story that informs our life, and if we are unable to articulate what that story actually is and what this story entails, how can we possibly propel ourselves forward to a target or “the target?”

This all sounds very philosophical and heady. However, this is, in fact, one of the deepest matters of the heart…

Do you feel belonging and purpose here in this life? Do you feel safe? Do you feel loved?

These are the questions that I ask myself each day. This is what propels me forward.

So, what do I want to do? Survive? Yes, of course! But, more than surviving, my hope and dreams and desires would be to leave behind a story and an individual & family legacy that inspires others a thousand years from now…

I still have a long way to go towards achieving these goals. But, I practice every day with my “daily darts” of life, living, friendships, and relationships. Is it hard? Yes, it is. But, it also feels very good and very real and very true to me, to myself, and to my life.

Getting a little heavy…hang on!

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Fascism… Christofascism… Anger… Hate… Fear…

As I am enjoying my recent sips and bites, I need to pause a moment & shift gears. I am a happy go lucky person by nature, yet I am a simple person, too. However, I have another side of me that, when needed, emerges during dark times such as these of the summer of 2024.

We are living in extraordinary times, times in which both the best of us and also the worst aspects of the human condition show themselves to us right in front of our eyes and directly in front of our faces. This is not a time for dread. For, a great opportunity lies right in front of us.

What is the “great opportunity” that I speak about? It is the time and the moment in our history that we may or might have the courage to examine ourselves and take a deeper dive into the condition of our human nature. In all of the years of my life, I have never witnessed such a time period as this one, wrought with such fear and such anger. These are the times when, instead of being divided as a species, we need to come together.

How can we come together? We are all “afraid” right now of our future. I do not need to list the challenges we face, for they are too numerous and myriad in nature. Being “afraid” is a reminder that we are all human, all vulnerable, and all fragile human beings. Yet, we are also very resilient, powerful, and very strong.

What shall we do? “Do not be afraid…” That is what one of the Good Books or great spiritual teachings tells us. Lean into our fear. Let your fear lead you into the courage to reach out to the person who you were harmed by or hurt by. Reach out the the unloveable. Reach out to the person who you disagree with or fight over ideology with.

For, it may be within this small step on your part where you will see a window of hope and will discover the light at the end of the tunnel. We have gone through extraordinary times such as these in our pasts. Yet, no one wants to “talk about it” or speak about the unspeakable.

Do not give up hope. Do not throw in the towel. We are one step way from “turning this thing around.” However, it is going to take all of us, this time around. And, the turnaround needs to be a lasting one which includes our posterity one thousand years from now.

Are you ready?

D-Day happened eighty years ago… I believe this is our D-Day… And, this time, the “fight” is of an internal and spiritual nature, not a hot war… yet… this “hot war” is not required of us, if we pay attention to the here and now…